Darken (Siege #1) Page 11

  He isn’t ready yet. But soon.

  The image of Gavin climbing into his vehicle faded as Cora returned to the present. The morning sun peeked through the partially-open blinds, and a faint beep from outside the bedroom was followed by the sound of the coffee maker percolating.

  The shift in Gavin’s body was subtle at first, just a slow tensing of muscles before he withdrew from the intimacy of their embrace.

  Cora stayed curled up, pretending to sleep as he moved away from her. The bed shifted as he went, and something on the nightstand fell to the carpeted floor. Slowly, she rolled over to watch him pick it up. He faced away from her, but she could see what he held—the engagement photo of him and Lela.

  She glanced away, her chest tightening. She must have made a sound because he twisted around and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

  “I love you,” she said, staring into his eyes.

  He didn’t want to hear it, but she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She was done hiding things from him.

  “Cora …”

  “I have for a long time.” She cupped his jaw in her hand, loving the rough stubble pricked her skin. “I never intended for you to be hurt. You need to heal and blaming me let you move forward.”

  “I needed the truth,” he said gruffly.

  “I know that now. That’s why I am telling you this. I love you.”

  He covered her hand with his and pressed his mouth into her palm. His eyes closed and she felt his lips moving. Then his fingers linked through hers and raised her hand above her head.

  He lowered his head until his lips hovered only a breath away from hers. The anticipation of the kiss sent shivers along her skin. His tongue peeked out, tracing her lower lip, but when she opened in invitation, he pulled back to look down at her.

  “Você não é nada para mim,” he said with a sad smile.

  You are nothing.

  Everything within Cora froze as those simple words shattered her heart, its jagged pieces stabbing her. That he would say such a thing to her after she laid her soul bare to him, that he would smile while saying it, left her speechless.

  Can a heart break and still beat?

  She shouldn’t have been surprised. She had known this was how it was for him. She realized he didn’t love her. To Gavin, she was just another Hailey—a warm body to temporarily ease the needs body and then put aside.

  Yet, she made this choice with her eyes wide open. She asked him to stay, told him she knew what she wanted. And she had; she thought she might never have another opportunity to be with him.

  She accepted it then. In the harsh, guilt-ridden light of the morning, was she willing to take what he offered? Did she really want to be on the other side of that morning after guilt?

  She wasn’t sure she could accept it, but with his hard body caressing hers, she didn’t have the willpower to refuse.

  He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek, and she could almost pretend the words he’d spoken meant something completely different. The hot press of his mouth nearly convinced her that he loved her, too.

  Gavin’s tongue swept along the seam of her lips until they opened under the pressure. The heat of his breath melded with hers as their tongues danced. She tangled her fingers into his hair, trying to hold him to her.

  Wrapping an arm around her, he rolled them as they lay facing each other. His hands trailed down her spine to her lower back then around to grip the fullness of her ass. At the slight bite of his fingers, her pussy clenched, aching for him to fill her.

  One of his hands slipped between them to palm her breast then slid down to the hardened nub of her clit. A hoarse cry erupted from her as his fingertip flicked the erect flesh before teasing it with a firm circling. Her hips lifted uncontrollably, desperate to find relief.

  He shifted her onto her back and moved over her. She wrapped her legs around him and her pelvis tilted back and forth as she rubbed herself against him. She pressed her fingernails into the hard flesh of his ass, straining to pull him closer.

  “Now. I want you now,” she moaned as she tore her lips from his.

  She reached down to grip his penis, stroking him firmly. His hips jerked, and she relished the power she had.

  “Oh God, baby. You’re killing me,” he said and surged forward again. He took her hand away and kissed her palm before reaching over for a condom.

  He positioned himself against her opening then drove himself in. A gasp escaped her at the rasping of her tender flesh.

  Gavin stared down at Cora. Her eyes were hooded, and between her gently parted lips, he saw the tip of her pink tongue. She was absolutely absorbed in the feel of him moving inside her.

  He sensed the tension building in her by the way her heels dug into the back of his thighs and the subtle twitches of her warm passage around his cock. He paused the movement of his hips, and her eyelids fluttered.

  The blue of her eyes seemed to sparkle, and in them, he saw the truth of the words she had spoken. She loved him. He didn’t deserve her love. He didn’t want it. He just wanted a body to take away the ache that had existed inside him every day since Lela died.

  Love was not part of this. Sex. That’s what he wanted. It’s all he gave. He wanted to lose himself as she had in the physical, to close his eyes and pretend she was someone else.

  Dipping his head, he buried his face in her hair, his hips instinctively taking up their thrusting motion. Yet, he couldn’t escape the fact she was not Lela. The lush hair against his cheek had a natural wave rather than a silky straightness, blond rather than black, and there was no comforting, gentle scent of strawberry shampoo. Instead, fresh mint filled his senses and he froze.

  He couldn’t do it.

  He needed to be able to pretend, and with Cora, he couldn’t.

  Withdrawing from her, he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Cora didn’t say anything, and that made him feel worse. Performance anxiety wasn’t something he ever experienced, though he wasn’t even sure this qualified. His body was raring to go, his arousal nearing painful. It was his mind that rebelled, refusing to let him sink into his memories because Cora’s presence couldn’t be denied.

  For the past few months, she’d been gradually sinking into him, and every time he touched her, tasted her, she only dug in deeper until the space Lela occupied in his thoughts began to erode.

  He hadn’t asked for this. He hadn’t asked Cora to take up that space. That wasn’t what he wanted from her.

  He squeezed his eyes shut as his vision blurred. Cora brushed her hand against his face, and when he would have looked at her, she laid a finger over his lips.

  “Don’t say anything. Just close your eyes,” she said.

  She leaned over and kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, the curve of his stubble-covered jaw. Arranging herself atop of him, she began a slow rocking rhythm. Heat built quickly, and he gripped her waist, taking control. He increased the pace and angled himself to deepen their joining.

  A tingling crept down his spine, and he drove faster and harder into her until he pulled her hips down and ground into them as he exploded within her. When his release finished, he continued his rhythm, his hands reaching up to cup her full breasts, rolling the nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

  Cora tossed her head back and gave a shaky cry, her entire body trembling with ecstasy. When the tremors subsided, she collapsed across his chest, relaxing into the arms he wrapped around her.

  He swept her hair over to the side and let his teeth skim along the sensitive skin where her shoulder and neck met. His hold on her loosened, and she rolled off him.

  His eyebrows drew down at her abrupt withdrawal and he watched as she went to the bathroom, firmly closing the door behind her. There was the faint sound of water running as she turned on the shower.

  He tried to recall the guys she dated in the time he’d known her, and could only picture a couple—both safe and boring types from college. That was the kind of guy she should be with, one
who wanted to settle down and give her babies. So, what the hell was she doing with him?

  Settling down and having babies didn’t figure into his life plan anymore. Loving her would never happen. He couldn’t even say he’d still be attracted to her in a month.

  There was every chance that when she came out, she’d be expecting him to tell her he loved her. Then he’d have to deal with her tears and her broken heart. Maybe there’d be anger. He hoped it was anger because the thought of her crying twisted his gut. She knew when she invited him to stay what the game was. Cora, of all people, understood that his heart was buried with Lela.

  “Você não é nada para mim. You are nothing,” he whispered.

  He closed his eyes and pulled up the memory of when Lela and he had first made love. It had been the week after prom. Lela had wanted to do it after the dance, but he hated the idea of being cliché. Everyone was doing it then, and he didn’t want their first time together to be lumped in with all of the bullshit his buddies would be spewing the next day. He could still feel the brush of her hand along his, still taste the chocolate cheesecake she’d eaten for dessert on her lips.

  At the click of the bathroom door, his eyes opened, and in the brief moment before he looked at Cora, he decided how he would handle her. But when he finally met her gaze, she seemed oddly composed. And dressed. He sat up, the sheet falling to his waist.

  “I need to get home,” Cora said. “My brother probably told my parents about the accident, and knowing my mom, she’s already halfway to town.”

  “Sinclair is out there. It’s not safe,” he protested. Even to his ears, it sounded weak, though he wasn’t sure why he even bothered to say anything other than okay.

  That was the way he liked it. No messy clinging, no need for him to come up with excuses to get her to leave.

  “As far as I can tell, your brothers have no plans for capturing him today or this week, or anytime in the near future. I can’t hide here indefinitely.” She gave him a terse smile. “Besides, my mom really will be in town soon, and I doubt you want her coming here and asking details about last night.”

  “Yeah, maybe not the best idea.”

  “Well, I’ll see you on Friday then.”

  “Cora,” he said on a sigh.

  “Don’t.” She sat on the end of the bed with her back to him and pulled on her socks. “Don’t make this into anything other than what it is.”

  “And what’s that?” he asked. He could’ve kicked himself. What the hell kind question was that? He knew what it was. He definitely didn’t want to hear her tell him it was anything different.

  She stood and gazed down at him. What he saw reflected in her eyes withered his stomach.

  “Sex.”

  It was the simple, straightforward answer he wanted to hear. So why didn’t he feel relieved? Even after she left, he was unable to shake the feeling that he should’ve asked her to stay.

  Chapter Eleven

  “YOU’RE LATE.”

  “Nice to see you too, Mom,” Gavin said as he entered his parents' house.

  “Don’t be going all sassy on me. You know good and well that I told you six sharp.” Despite her snappish response, she pulled him in for a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. Then she pulled back to give him another stern look.

  “Mom, it’s a quarter after.”

  “As I said, late.” She lifted her nose in the air. With any other woman he might have taken it seriously, but not only did Sarah Walker enjoy teasing her kids, she was also habitually late for everything.

  “I’d feel bad about it if I hadn’t seen you getting out of the car as I drove up.”

  She gave him a playful scowl then marched toward the kitchen. Gavin followed while trying to keep from chuckling. With his mom, teasing was usually a one-way street. She had no problem dishing it out but she didn’t take it from anyone.

  “How is the job hunt going?” she asked with a pitiful attempt to be nonchalant.

  “I have a job.”

  “Bartending is not a career.” She held up a finger to stop him from interrupting. “Noah and Logan own Porter’s Pub, and Josh is working his way through college. It’s not the same thing as you giving up your position at the firm in Billings. Have you talked to Caleb or Merrick about getting on with TanTech?”

  “Mom, stop. I’m working, and I enjoy bartending.”

  Her mouth contorted as she struggled to hold back what was most likely some other protest about his lack of ambition.

  “I just want to make sure you’re thinking about your options. I don’t want you to miss out on something because you can’t be bothered to look.” She folded a tea cloth into a tidy square then placed it in the drawer beside the oven.

  He could have admitted that he was considering his options. He enjoyed working at the bar, but it lacked much in the way of intellectual stimulation there. He missed the challenge of developing high-level security programs and the stress of knowing the safety of millions of dollars’ worth of inventory and information depended on his ability to out-think criminals.

  But a job with TanTech or any other security firm would require a clear head, and he couldn’t do that. Especially now that Sinclair wasn’t only back in the picture, but a threat to Cora and his family.

  “You look tired,” she observed. “Have you been getting enough rest?”

  “Yes.” No.

  “Stick your tongue out,” Sarah ordered.

  “Why?”

  “Because lies turn your tongue purple.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m a little old to believe in stories like that.”

  “Only a liar would refuse.”

  Reaching into the fridge, he grabbed a beer. He cracked the can open and took a long, slow sip before setting it on the counter and looking at his mother.

  The past two nights with only a few hours sleep were having their effect. The first night, the lack of sleep had been welcome, as he spent much of it inside Cora. The night after, though, had been hell. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the empty, expressionless face Cora wore as she walked out the door.

  She put on a good show that morning, almost getting him to believe she was satisfied with it just being sex, but as she’d opened the door, he told her he’d call. She turned back to him and he saw it—the absolutely devastating acceptance that the person you wanted, who you loved with everything in your being, was forever beyond your grasp.

  He hadn’t called, but she knew he wouldn’t. What she didn’t know was how many times in the past fifty-two hours he’d picked up the phone and started to.

  “I don’t see the apple pie you promised, so are you going to tell me why I’m really here?” he asked, watching as she poured herself a glass of water.

  “Do I really need to tell you?”

  She didn’t. The collection of cars in the driveway and out front were enough.

  “So, why the secrecy?”

  “Because I know you,” she said, “And of all my boys, you like to avoid your problems the most.”

  God, he hated when she was right.

  In the fourteen years since Sarah and Mark Walker took the six of them in, they’d only had a handful of family meetings. He had no doubt the one planned for that day was going to be all about Cora, and there was no fucking way he’d have come if he’d known.

  He wasn’t ready to talk about her. Hell, he could hardly think about her without his guts twisting into a knot. Yet, for the past two days, that’s all he could do. He’d be having a normal conversation with someone and then BAM—he’d be picturing Cora straddling him, her breasts bouncing in time with her hips.

  He coughed and then took a sip of beer as he pushed the image back.

  “Everyone’s waiting for you in the den,” Sarah said. “So get moving.”

  His lips tightened as he held in a sharp retort. Pissing off his mom would only guarantee her not siding with him. He stomped his way through the kitchen and down the stairs to the den.

  Other than th
e dining room, the den was the only place in the house large enough to seat all nine of them. Although, with Dean away at college, there were only eight so they could have squished into the living room.

  His dad, Mark, sat in his recliner flipping through channels on the TV. Josh was spread out on the small sofa, his legs hanging over the end. On the large couch across from him were Sky and Caleb. Noah, ever the barman, was behind the wet bar mixing a drink while Logan tried to give him directions.

  Sarah prodded Gavin forward by jabbing a finger into the middle of his back. As he walked into the den, he couldn’t help but cringe as everyone turned to stare at him.

  On the surface, his family looked normal, though obviously not blood-related. Other than Gavin and Caleb, the six brothers looked nothing alike, and even less like Mark, Sarah, and Sky. Still, within the realm of normal looking for a blended family.

  It was when they got together for a family meeting that they became a pack of wolves hunting their prey. He’d been one of those wolves before, but that day he was the prey.

  “Gavin, I’m so sorry.” Sky pushed off the couch and rushed toward him, wrapping him in a tight squeeze. “I voted to tell you. I told them hiding this was just going to make things worse.”

  “I know you did, squirt.” He returned her squeeze then grasped a strand of her hair, giving it a quick tug.

  That’s the thing about Sky. She was all about honesty, almost to the point of being extremely frustrating. He couldn’t remember how many times he’d gotten in trouble because of her big, honest mouth ratting him out. That penance for oversharing the truth was a habit she picked up from Mark. While she was the spitting image of their mom, tall and athletic, with a mop of curly brown hair, personality wise she was the female version of their dad.

  He was actually surprised she’d managed to hide this, although, Sky did her best secret sharing in private, and he didn’t spend a lot of alone time with his sister.

  “Sky, let’s not dwell on that,” his mother said, pointedly. “Let’s all sit down and figure out what’s happening now.”

  His sister went back to her spot next to Caleb, and Sarah lightly smacked Josh’s sock-covered feet.